Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
