Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
