You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
