I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
