This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
