i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I sprained my soul last night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
