My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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