just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
