Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
