WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
