I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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