Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
