apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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