If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
