Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
