I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
