If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
