I understand Curling. That high.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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