At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
