I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
