I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
