i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
