How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
