im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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