I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
