Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
