i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
