Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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