Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
