Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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