I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
