You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
