he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
