Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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