I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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