The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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