Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
