I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
