Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
