The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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