Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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