Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
