All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
