she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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