guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
