From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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