There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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