I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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