Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
