He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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