you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
